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The last three days have been exhausting. I can say with 100% assurance that I am ready for spring!
Saturday rolled around and we needed to push in bales to everyone. Some day we'll get a tractor that can actually lift round bales. When we can finally afford one of those, it'll be a godsend. The current tractor is out of commission so we use the plow truck to tip the bales on to their tops and then drag them in to the drylot or for the hopsital ward, we push them in. It makes for an interesting experience. We use a long cable to tip and drag the bales. It's a heavy duty cable and sometimes it kicks my butt. Mike is the one who drags and pushes the bales where they need to go. I'm the cable girl, dragging and lifting the cable wherever it needs to go. Mind you, it's much easier now that I'm not eight months pregant!
Unfortunately, to push bales in to the drylot, we have to wait for the little bear to fall asleep. Being that it is way easier to push bales in when there are two of us, we've learned to push bales in on the weekend when there's plenty of time, even if the herd isn't done with the bales. We wait for the little bear to fall asleep, suit him up in his snowsuit, buckle him into the car seat, and secure him in the truck so he can help move bales around. The last couple of times have worked out well. He's definitely a kid on the move.
I have the herd locked out of the pasture so that they wouldn't tear up what little pasture we still have. So when we push bales in, that means I have to either halter all nine horses or put some in the barn. At least the horses are learning that when I halter them, it doesn't always mean work. I need to start working with them so they'll never know when they'll be caught for work and when they will be caught for other reasons.
We pushed two bales in to the drylot and then had to push a bale in to the hospital ward. I had Bo tied up but he was going balistic. If I thought he was lame, I stand corrected. He was pawing, prancing in place, and kicking out at everything he could.. Once he made contact with his back legs, he continued to kick out. So there goes the thought that he's lame. I decided to untie him until we were ready to push his bale in. He was getting himself so worked up that I wasn't sure I'd be able to get him cooled down before the weather turned. He was starting to get lathered up. When I released him, he trotted sound. Not a falter. I think he may have a pinched nerve. We finally got the bale in to Babe and Bo's pens and then went to tip another bale for the mares.
I've been a little naughty about hauling water. That used to be Mike's job. I have a bad hip and bad wrists so Mike used to haul water for me. Now that we have the little bear, I'm out there hauling water. I haven't been keeping up with the mares until now. I made a number of trips the last couple of days trying to keep up with the water levels. Mayhem drinks so much water. I remember Chaos drinking a bunch of water too when he was young. I'm half tempted to put Bo back in with the big herd and put Mayhem in with Babe so that I don't have to haul water as far. But we'll see. If my body starts to give out, that'll be the route I have to go. Until then, I'll just haul water in two 5 gallon buckets at a time and hope I don't spill most of it on the haul back.
We had plans on Sunday but the weather changed them, along with the flu bug. The bear has been a little off but Mike caught the flu bug and it knocked him down hard on Sunday. It's probably a good thing because a blizzard set in on Sunday too. Oh sure, our county was in a Winter Weather Advisory but the next county over was in a Blizzard Watch. I hate to tell people but the weather doesn't stop at the county line (although in some cases it oddly does). But as far as I'm concerned, we were in a Blizzard Warning.
I went out Sunday morning to get some of the chores done after being up half the night with a sick baby and a sick husband. It was already snowing by then. It was actually snowing the night before while we attended a Christmas party. But the snow kept falling and by the time I went out Sunday morning, we had a bunch of snow.
The weatherman was calling for sub zero temps by Sunday night. I was NOT prepared to hear that news. It was snowing so much and the horses were getting soaked. I decided I'd better throw blankets on a few of the horses that wouldn't be going into the barn. It took a little bit but everyone was pretty well satisfied after they had their blankets on.
A few years ago, I bought some Jeffers blankets. I've never really been satisfied with them because they fit everyone really goofy. I decided that I would put one of the Jeffers blankets on Rabbit and keep the brand new blanke for Bo. Bo has always had hand me downs and it's about time that he has his very own blanket. I think I had it on him one other time. But now it's going to be designated for Bo only. I threw the Jeffers blanket on Rabbit and it fits beautifully. I have a second Jeffers blanket so we'll have to try it on another one of the stoud quarter horses to see if it fits. I was rather tickled that Rabbit now has a blanket that fits her perfectly. Babe didn't really care one way or another if she was wearing a blanket but I feel better.
I petered out after getting blankets on and doing morning chores. I had hoped to get a bit more ready for evening chores. I prefer to open the barn doors at night and have them all walk in instead of having to get everything ready. I had thought I would go back out early in the afternoon but sick baby and sick husband made other plans. So it wasn't until early evening as the sun was setting that I was able to get back out there to do chores. By that time, the cold front had set in. I was SO glad that I'd thrown blankets on some of the horses. The other horses were happy to get into the barn.
I woke Monday morning to sub zero temps as I went out to do chores. I had to go and get a hammer to break open Bo's water. I hate that he's not able to share Babe's big 100 gallon water tank but he doesn't play nice. I have a heated water bucket I might try but we'll see. There's only so many extension cords and circuits I can use before I start blowing stuff up. I ended up staying home Monday to make sure everyone was recovering ok from the flu. Interestate was still closed for a portion of my drive to work. I didn't think it necessary to go to work when interestate was still closed. Call me lazy, but if interstate is still closed in the vacinity that I have to drive in, then I think it's best if I stay home and avoid the backroads that I would be forced to drive.
I didn't really do too much yesterday other than putter in the house. The horses hung out, devouring their round bales. Bo kept his head in the bale. The only time I didn't see him at the bale was when he went back into his shed and fell asleep. Bo is gaining weight back but I'm sure glad he has his blanket on these last couple of days. I'm going to have to pull blankets tomorrow morning. The weather is supposed to get warm again for Wed and Thur.
I went to do chores this morning and it was snowing again. I won't complain too much about the snow. We need the precipe but I'd be much happier if it would come in the form of warm rain. But I guess we are pretty luck for it to wait until December to snow.
Which reminds me, three years ago on December 9th, we brought Jim home. I was reflecting on that adventure while doing chores Sunday during the snow storm. Three years ago I ended up going to a horse auction on Saturday. Jim was slated to go to a different auction that Saturday but we said we would take him and pick him up on Sunday. I'd wanted to know what the prices were like. I'm kicking myself for not having just bought Jim at the auction. It would have been cheaper but at least this way he was saved from being exposed to different diseases and I got to get information from the owner. We picked him up that Sunday and it was SO cold. I remember trying to put a blanket on him but my fingers had gotten so cold that they wouldn't work any more. Jim stood like a champ, patiently waiting for me to stop fumbling around. When we finally got him home that evening, we heard that a snow storm was on it's way. And boy did it ever! I think that was the winter where we had so much snow! I have picutres to show how much snow piled up and drifted in the yard. I should pull those out and show the time lapse. But is it sad that I can remember brining a horse home because of the snow storm that ensued? Guess it makes for a good story. Here's to hoping that we don't have any more blizzards for the year.
31 Aralık 2012 Pazartesi
Tucked In
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Christmas Eve and Christmas day had below zero temps for overnight. Both nights I put some of the big herd into the barn. With Bo and Babe under the cover of the Hospital Ward and in blankets, and no one allowed in the old mare pasture, I was able to put some of the other horses in for a change. Of course I have to put Rain, Zeke, and Jim in the barn as they are more "fair weather" horses. But I also decided to put Ivan and Brego in. More because they could share two stalls instead of me trying to man handle a corral panel as I have in the past. I also decided to put Dude in. I'm not sure if that's the best. I figure if he's in the barn, it'll be easier on his joints as he gets older. But after one night in the barn, I wasn't so sure. I put him in a second night and he seemed to do a little better. I did decide to change the stall arrangement so that Dude was the last in and first out Christmas day. It seemed to go better. Dude has to be the first at everything.
We pushed in round bales Saturday so that we could spend Sunday enjoying our family Christmas. The herd has done justice to both bales of course. Having six of the nine horses in the barn overnight for two nights did seem to make the bales go just that much farther. But we did start dipping in to the big squares.
I gave up using the rounds on the Rabbit, Mayhem, and the ponies. It's been so cold, I've been giving them extra even though Rabbit is in a blanket and protected from the elements. She seems ok with the blanket and the extra hay. The ponies and Mayhem were playing when we got home from visiting family this afternoon. It's good for Mayhem and the ponies. I need to find ways to keep them entertained during these cold winter days that seem to drag on forever.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Beings that this was the Bear's first Christmas I think I was more excited than I have been in years for Christmas to come. We are going to draw Christmas out at our house. It takes forever for a four and a half month old to open presents (and he got a lot of presents from his parents and Santa!) :-)
The weatherman is calling for more snow in the forecast. Sounds like it'll start snowing tomorrow (of course because I have to go back to the paying job) and it won't stop until Friday sometime. I haven't caught how much snow we'll get but I'm sure it'll be enough to make chores a pain in the butt to do. But I would rather take snow over this fridged cold weather. My fingers can't take this cold. Some days I wonder why in the world we opened a sanctuary in South Dakota of all places. But this is where family is at so this is where home is.
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and here's to looking forward to the New Year. I'll leave you with just a few pictures from this fall when Dude and King were staying with Mom and Dad.
We pushed in round bales Saturday so that we could spend Sunday enjoying our family Christmas. The herd has done justice to both bales of course. Having six of the nine horses in the barn overnight for two nights did seem to make the bales go just that much farther. But we did start dipping in to the big squares.
I gave up using the rounds on the Rabbit, Mayhem, and the ponies. It's been so cold, I've been giving them extra even though Rabbit is in a blanket and protected from the elements. She seems ok with the blanket and the extra hay. The ponies and Mayhem were playing when we got home from visiting family this afternoon. It's good for Mayhem and the ponies. I need to find ways to keep them entertained during these cold winter days that seem to drag on forever.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Beings that this was the Bear's first Christmas I think I was more excited than I have been in years for Christmas to come. We are going to draw Christmas out at our house. It takes forever for a four and a half month old to open presents (and he got a lot of presents from his parents and Santa!) :-)
The weatherman is calling for more snow in the forecast. Sounds like it'll start snowing tomorrow (of course because I have to go back to the paying job) and it won't stop until Friday sometime. I haven't caught how much snow we'll get but I'm sure it'll be enough to make chores a pain in the butt to do. But I would rather take snow over this fridged cold weather. My fingers can't take this cold. Some days I wonder why in the world we opened a sanctuary in South Dakota of all places. But this is where family is at so this is where home is.
I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and here's to looking forward to the New Year. I'll leave you with just a few pictures from this fall when Dude and King were staying with Mom and Dad.
Values
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I've been thinking about values for the last couple of days. Jerry Finch from Habitat for Horses also mentioned values in his latest blog (see my previous post for a link).
Some of my values have changed over the years. Some stuck with me when I learned them at an early age, others I learned a long the way. As I look at my son, I can only hope that I can instill those same values in him that were instilled in me.
One of the first values I ever learned was to respect others. Maybe I took it a step farther and added the four legged "others" in that list. Each individual, be it four legged or two, has a personality and feelings. They have rights. Yes, I think horses have rights! They have the same rights we do, to be treated with respect and dignity, to be given an education so that they can learn just as we have, to be treated as an individual.
I also learned to respect my elders. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to the older horses. There's so much wisdom. The older horses have seen and done more than I have. Some have traveled and lived in different states. We've had to say goodbye to a number of old horses over the past couple of years. We are now left with only two old horses (or what I consider old-ish). The rest are still young in my book so we will be able to enjoy each other's company for many more years to come. They may not have as much worldy experience, but I can at least assure them (and myself) that they will no longer face the cruelties of the world.
I also have the belief that out of sight/out of mind is not correct. People should not turn a blind eye to something they know is wrong. Doing the right thing is sometimes difficult and sometimes almost impossible but never give up. Because if you give up, others will too. We need to stand up for our beliefs and be a role model for the younger generations so that maybe some day people will realize that doing right, although may be difficult, is really the only solution to the problem.
I'm afraid at this point, I'm a little tired so I'm not as gunho to step in and fight wrong doings. I think once we start working on our fundraiser ideas, I'll become more energized and excited. Being around people who are willing to help and support us really makes me want to get out there and do more. I'm not good at asking for help but being a sanctuary really does require me to say those words. The generosity of others humbles me and leaves me with such a deep feeling of gratitude.
I'm really looking forward to 2013. I'm looking forward to the possiblity of meeting new people and new supporters. I'm looking forward to spreading awareness about the plight of the horse. I'm looking forward to enjoying some great activities. I'm looking forward to meeting new horses. And most of all, I'm looking forward to not having to say no when an old horse needs to find a new home to live out the rest of their days. I know that we can't save them all, but we will hopefully be able to make a difference in at least one horse's life. Each horse that has come to stay at Borderlands has taught me so much. I look forward to learning in 2013 and possibly instilling new and additional values.
Some of my values have changed over the years. Some stuck with me when I learned them at an early age, others I learned a long the way. As I look at my son, I can only hope that I can instill those same values in him that were instilled in me.
One of the first values I ever learned was to respect others. Maybe I took it a step farther and added the four legged "others" in that list. Each individual, be it four legged or two, has a personality and feelings. They have rights. Yes, I think horses have rights! They have the same rights we do, to be treated with respect and dignity, to be given an education so that they can learn just as we have, to be treated as an individual.
I also learned to respect my elders. Maybe that's why I'm so drawn to the older horses. There's so much wisdom. The older horses have seen and done more than I have. Some have traveled and lived in different states. We've had to say goodbye to a number of old horses over the past couple of years. We are now left with only two old horses (or what I consider old-ish). The rest are still young in my book so we will be able to enjoy each other's company for many more years to come. They may not have as much worldy experience, but I can at least assure them (and myself) that they will no longer face the cruelties of the world.
I also have the belief that out of sight/out of mind is not correct. People should not turn a blind eye to something they know is wrong. Doing the right thing is sometimes difficult and sometimes almost impossible but never give up. Because if you give up, others will too. We need to stand up for our beliefs and be a role model for the younger generations so that maybe some day people will realize that doing right, although may be difficult, is really the only solution to the problem.
I'm afraid at this point, I'm a little tired so I'm not as gunho to step in and fight wrong doings. I think once we start working on our fundraiser ideas, I'll become more energized and excited. Being around people who are willing to help and support us really makes me want to get out there and do more. I'm not good at asking for help but being a sanctuary really does require me to say those words. The generosity of others humbles me and leaves me with such a deep feeling of gratitude.
I'm really looking forward to 2013. I'm looking forward to the possiblity of meeting new people and new supporters. I'm looking forward to spreading awareness about the plight of the horse. I'm looking forward to enjoying some great activities. I'm looking forward to meeting new horses. And most of all, I'm looking forward to not having to say no when an old horse needs to find a new home to live out the rest of their days. I know that we can't save them all, but we will hopefully be able to make a difference in at least one horse's life. Each horse that has come to stay at Borderlands has taught me so much. I look forward to learning in 2013 and possibly instilling new and additional values.
A Year In Review
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2012 was filled with so many adventures. Personally, 2012 was filled with a rollercoaster of emotions. I was torn. We discovered last December that I was pregnant and that would change how we manage the Sanctuary. (Don't worry, the Bear was planned!) We put bringing new horses into the Sanctuary on hold until we had a handle on managing the horses currently here. That alone was almost enough to kill me. How can I do what I was born to do, how can I follow my passion if I have to sit on my hands. But the hold is only temporary and once we are adjusted to this new life, we'll bring another old deserving horse in to the Sanctuary.
This year we experienced broken water pipes in the middle of winter! We dealt with a fire that changed our pasture living (and put a deep and lasting fear of fire into my soul). We dealt with the oppressive heat and the subsequent drought and hay crisis. I locked myself into the house for two weeks while there was a loose inmate in the area (odd for this area). We survived two unexpected emergency room visits (totally non-horse related). We dealt with continuing family health issues.
We said goodbye to three family members. The place doesn't seem right now that they are gone. I so miss Flower, Queen, and Thor. It breaks my heart and leaves a tear in my eyes just thinking about how much I miss those three. I miss all of the horses that have walked up our driveway and have crossed over but for some reason those three have hit me the hardest. I'm guessing it's the year as a whole that makes it harder for me to say goodbye.
We also said hello to our newest family member. Garrett (aka the Bear) has changed how we run the Sanctuary and how much time is devoted to the horses. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am passionate about rescue/sanctuary. I believe I was put on this earth to fullfill the need of Sanctuary work, but I was also meant to be a mom. I also think that being a mom has made it that much more important for me to do sanctuary work. I think everyone deserves a place to call home and a place to go home to that is filled with love and understanding.
This year also showed me that we have so many wonderful supporters. With all the changes we went through with bringing Garrett into this world, our supporters stepped up and helped out even more. We wouldn't be where we are without our supporters. We met new supports and reunited with a few old supporters. It fills my heart with joy that we have such wonderful people willing to step up even when it's not always convinent for them. We would be lost without our supporters.
In April 2011 we rescued Savanna and Prize (aka Jett) from an auction. Jett was adopted to one of our amazing supporters (and our guardian angel). Savanna went to Gentle Spirits Horse Rescue and Sanctuary to be fattened up more and adopted out. I had the priviledge of watching Jett grow and begin his education. I am thrilled to watch the progress. Savanna was adopted out and has flourished under the care of her new owner. I am amazed and thrilled to see the progress of both horses and look forward to continuing to watch their education. We don't necessarily rescue to adopt but in their case, we knew it was in the horses' best interest to find them new homes. It has been such a thrill to watch them flourish.
I want to focus on fundraising for 2013. If we have sponsors for some of the horses, or have additional money coming in (besides my small paycheck), we could bring another old and deserving horse into the Sanctuary. I want to be able to say YES to the next old horse instead of constantly saying no. Saying those words broke my heart because we need to be here for the old horses and give them a soft place to retire to.
I'm sure that the Bear will make it a little difficult to do rescue/sanctuary work but we will continue on a smaller basis. Hopefully for 2013, we won't have to say goodbye to anymore family members. We will spend 2013 enjoying the time we have with each horse and be blessed to have the priviledge to know each horse.
I'm not sure if we can top the experiences for 2012 and frankly, I'd prefer not to. I'd prefer that 2013 is a nice and quiet year where we can focus on promoting the horse and it's plight. I want 2013 to be the year we dont' have to say No. I want 2013 to be filled with fun experiences and meeting new supporters.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. I will write again next year.
This year we experienced broken water pipes in the middle of winter! We dealt with a fire that changed our pasture living (and put a deep and lasting fear of fire into my soul). We dealt with the oppressive heat and the subsequent drought and hay crisis. I locked myself into the house for two weeks while there was a loose inmate in the area (odd for this area). We survived two unexpected emergency room visits (totally non-horse related). We dealt with continuing family health issues.
We said goodbye to three family members. The place doesn't seem right now that they are gone. I so miss Flower, Queen, and Thor. It breaks my heart and leaves a tear in my eyes just thinking about how much I miss those three. I miss all of the horses that have walked up our driveway and have crossed over but for some reason those three have hit me the hardest. I'm guessing it's the year as a whole that makes it harder for me to say goodbye.
We also said hello to our newest family member. Garrett (aka the Bear) has changed how we run the Sanctuary and how much time is devoted to the horses. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am passionate about rescue/sanctuary. I believe I was put on this earth to fullfill the need of Sanctuary work, but I was also meant to be a mom. I also think that being a mom has made it that much more important for me to do sanctuary work. I think everyone deserves a place to call home and a place to go home to that is filled with love and understanding.
This year also showed me that we have so many wonderful supporters. With all the changes we went through with bringing Garrett into this world, our supporters stepped up and helped out even more. We wouldn't be where we are without our supporters. We met new supports and reunited with a few old supporters. It fills my heart with joy that we have such wonderful people willing to step up even when it's not always convinent for them. We would be lost without our supporters.
In April 2011 we rescued Savanna and Prize (aka Jett) from an auction. Jett was adopted to one of our amazing supporters (and our guardian angel). Savanna went to Gentle Spirits Horse Rescue and Sanctuary to be fattened up more and adopted out. I had the priviledge of watching Jett grow and begin his education. I am thrilled to watch the progress. Savanna was adopted out and has flourished under the care of her new owner. I am amazed and thrilled to see the progress of both horses and look forward to continuing to watch their education. We don't necessarily rescue to adopt but in their case, we knew it was in the horses' best interest to find them new homes. It has been such a thrill to watch them flourish.
I want to focus on fundraising for 2013. If we have sponsors for some of the horses, or have additional money coming in (besides my small paycheck), we could bring another old and deserving horse into the Sanctuary. I want to be able to say YES to the next old horse instead of constantly saying no. Saying those words broke my heart because we need to be here for the old horses and give them a soft place to retire to.
I'm sure that the Bear will make it a little difficult to do rescue/sanctuary work but we will continue on a smaller basis. Hopefully for 2013, we won't have to say goodbye to anymore family members. We will spend 2013 enjoying the time we have with each horse and be blessed to have the priviledge to know each horse.
I'm not sure if we can top the experiences for 2012 and frankly, I'd prefer not to. I'd prefer that 2013 is a nice and quiet year where we can focus on promoting the horse and it's plight. I want 2013 to be the year we dont' have to say No. I want 2013 to be filled with fun experiences and meeting new supporters.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year. I will write again next year.
I don't want to be a shit-disturber, but really.....
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So......I have been struggling with something. I work for the Government of Canada. We have a policy that says that we are not to book meetings or do business with places that are inaccessible. Yet the department I work in consistently books some meetings (mostly for social reasons such as retirement or going away parties) at a nearby venue...an air force mess hall...that is completely inaccessible. Stairs to get in, and more stairs once you get in. I can't tell you the number of times over the years in which I have declined invitations to one event or another at this location, and explained why I cannot attend. Recently, I learned that a colleague had booked a work-related meeting at this venue. I thought, "I have to do, or say, something". I know that these incidents are never intentional. And the people booking the meetings probably never stop to think about what they are doing, and the attitudes they are reinforcing. They probably think, if they stop to think, well no-one coming to the meeting is disabled, so it's not really an issue. And I wonder how they would react if the same venue had a sign outside that said, "blacks not welcome", or "women not allowed", or "no Jews". Because a venue that is not accessible is saying that people like me are not welcome, that we are not valued, that we are not part of the community.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
27 Aralık 2012 Perşembe
I don't want to be a shit-disturber, but really.....
To contact us Click HERE
So......I have been struggling with something. I work for the Government of Canada. We have a policy that says that we are not to book meetings or do business with places that are inaccessible. Yet the department I work in consistently books some meetings (mostly for social reasons such as retirement or going away parties) at a nearby venue...an air force mess hall...that is completely inaccessible. Stairs to get in, and more stairs once you get in. I can't tell you the number of times over the years in which I have declined invitations to one event or another at this location, and explained why I cannot attend. Recently, I learned that a colleague had booked a work-related meeting at this venue. I thought, "I have to do, or say, something". I know that these incidents are never intentional. And the people booking the meetings probably never stop to think about what they are doing, and the attitudes they are reinforcing. They probably think, if they stop to think, well no-one coming to the meeting is disabled, so it's not really an issue. And I wonder how they would react if the same venue had a sign outside that said, "blacks not welcome", or "women not allowed", or "no Jews". Because a venue that is not accessible is saying that people like me are not welcome, that we are not valued, that we are not part of the community.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
What's the worst that could happen?
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My father has a motto: "What's the worst that could happen?" In college my friends decided that the worst possible scenario should always end with "And then you can never have sex again!" which requires quite a bit of creative thinking. And although it can be a little annoying when my dad says it, I find it a useful exercise to hypothesize about all the horrible situations that could happen and how I could handle them. (In fact my father and I did it just this morning when I found out that the building I live in is foreclosing and we decided that the worst would be if I had to move back in with them and commute 2.5 hours to school which would be logistically impossible because I don't have a car and I rarely leave the academic buildings to begin with...and that would most definitely result in the situation that my college friends foretold)
Anyway, L and A and I were all set to leave the ecovillage and head on to the beach (!!!). We had called a taxi to come at 7AM, figured out the bus and ferry schedule and gotten all packed. The taxi showed up! On time! And despite my bruised little bottom the ride was not too horrific. The taxi driver and I spoke briefly about the semantics of the words parque, plaza and cancha...after he corrected me several times when I told him to drop us off in the central plaza. (Evidently their soccer fields are called plazas, their plazas are called parks, and their stadia called canchas...they also give all directions using meters instead of blocks "de la esquina 500 metros" which made me feel like I had to triangulate everything or carry a surveyors tape).
We arrived at the parque and the girls ran for breakfast while I again guarded the bags and verified the bus schedule....we were an hour early. As I sat, I noticed that some buses arrived with standing room only which worried me because we had a lot of gear and I didn't want to stand for 2 hours. So we got on line early and got seats and set out....on the slowest and hottest bus known to man. About a half an hour out of town the bust stopped for the gazillionth time, but this time people were muttering "Puntarenas, puntarenas directo, hay que bajarse, Puntarenas." A quick survey revealed that the bus behind us was going directly to Puntarenas (our intermediate destination) so we quickly got our stuff and switched buses. I actually thanked my lucky stars because if we were in Bolivia people would have silently debarked just knowing that the other bus was better and having no need to state it to the hot and frustrated tourists. Although equally oven-like the new bus was indeed better, less crowded and much faster....and thus we arrived at noon to Puntarenas described by my trusty rough guide as the hottest place in all Costa Rica, fading and wilting in the sun. I had a general idea that the next ferry to Nicoya Peninsula (yet another intermediate destination) left in two hours but I was hoping that there might be an earlier boat so we rushed into a taxi to the other end of town. No luck. A two hour wait. We chilled in a lovely gulf-side restaurant in perhaps the only town in Costa Rica where it is not recommended that you drink the water. A declined to take this advice citing the fact that she's Indian.
I am a nervous traveler and one of my quirks, besides needing to be fed at regular intervals, is being early. When I get to the airport I like to go directly through security and to the gate and then go to eat or pee or whatever. The same with buses or ferries or any mode of transportation. I am irrationally afraid of being left behind. (This phobia is in the same category as being afraid of being locked in the bathroom. Both situations have happened to me numerous times...sometimes with one causing the other.) So even though we could see the ferry from the restaurant and knew that it wouldn't leave for a half hour I was still nervous because we weren't actually on it yet.
But we didn't miss the ferry and not one of my numerous forays to the bathroom resulted in being trapped. It was at this point that I realized how ridiculously bad I smelled, which A had said was her travel quirk. Besides also needing to know where she would be eating next, she detested smelly people. L declined to let us in on her weakness but I suspect it's control. We quickly deduced that she is a youngest child and must always get her way. Luckily A and I are middle children and are capable of compromise or alternatively joining forces to get our way. The ferry was actually quite nice, although slow like molasses, and we arrived at Paquera to be shepherded into a waiting bus. The ticket taker was the least pura-vida Tico we met the entire trip and he was in such a hurry that we finally just threw some money at him and got on the bus. We had to stand.
Even standing wasn't too too horrific. At least we were in the front where there was a breeze. And hanging on for dear life builds arm muscles. So at approximately 7PM we arrived at Montezuma our final beach-front destination. Hooray! I walked up to the hotel and the man at the desk opened with (in Spanish) "You're the three girls who reserved yesterday. Please don't yell at me."
He had given away our room! Despite his request, I started to yell (just a bit). "What do you mean you gave away our room? I reserved with a credit card! Why didn't anyone verify it on the phone! Are there any more rooms? Are any other hotels free? Are you fucking with me?" At this point, my brain busted and my Spanish completely failed me so L took up the charge, "Can we call your manager? Will you pay for the taxi to another hotel? You have the responsibility to make the customer satisfied! You can't just give away rooms!" This man was exasperatingly smug and just sat there as we fumed.
We calmed down a bit while talking to a shirtless American tourist named Michael (Michael was a good distraction but A said he wasn't suitable because he didn't have six-pack abs just a four pack and I said he wasn't suitable because he was an idiot.) and the receptionist eventually found another hotel for us (far far outside of town). He was not willing to pay for the taxi or the extra cost for the other hotel and he declined to call the manager saying that she would only yell at him and at some point he made some comment to the effect of "At least you guys speak Spanish" which caused another round of yelling and fuming.
We left our bags and went to dinner where we took photos of our comic distress and decided to construct an alternative narrative of our day...something about a yacht and catching seagulls with our bare hands and enjoying cocktails at sunset. We finally arrived at our new hotel; L remained exasperatingly optimistic and went night-swimming while A criticized everything about it before going to bed. I bridged the gap by criticizing before going to check out the beach.
Next up: socialism at its frustrating-ist and our own private beach
Anyway, L and A and I were all set to leave the ecovillage and head on to the beach (!!!). We had called a taxi to come at 7AM, figured out the bus and ferry schedule and gotten all packed. The taxi showed up! On time! And despite my bruised little bottom the ride was not too horrific. The taxi driver and I spoke briefly about the semantics of the words parque, plaza and cancha...after he corrected me several times when I told him to drop us off in the central plaza. (Evidently their soccer fields are called plazas, their plazas are called parks, and their stadia called canchas...they also give all directions using meters instead of blocks "de la esquina 500 metros" which made me feel like I had to triangulate everything or carry a surveyors tape).
We arrived at the parque and the girls ran for breakfast while I again guarded the bags and verified the bus schedule....we were an hour early. As I sat, I noticed that some buses arrived with standing room only which worried me because we had a lot of gear and I didn't want to stand for 2 hours. So we got on line early and got seats and set out....on the slowest and hottest bus known to man. About a half an hour out of town the bust stopped for the gazillionth time, but this time people were muttering "Puntarenas, puntarenas directo, hay que bajarse, Puntarenas." A quick survey revealed that the bus behind us was going directly to Puntarenas (our intermediate destination) so we quickly got our stuff and switched buses. I actually thanked my lucky stars because if we were in Bolivia people would have silently debarked just knowing that the other bus was better and having no need to state it to the hot and frustrated tourists. Although equally oven-like the new bus was indeed better, less crowded and much faster....and thus we arrived at noon to Puntarenas described by my trusty rough guide as the hottest place in all Costa Rica, fading and wilting in the sun. I had a general idea that the next ferry to Nicoya Peninsula (yet another intermediate destination) left in two hours but I was hoping that there might be an earlier boat so we rushed into a taxi to the other end of town. No luck. A two hour wait. We chilled in a lovely gulf-side restaurant in perhaps the only town in Costa Rica where it is not recommended that you drink the water. A declined to take this advice citing the fact that she's Indian.
I am a nervous traveler and one of my quirks, besides needing to be fed at regular intervals, is being early. When I get to the airport I like to go directly through security and to the gate and then go to eat or pee or whatever. The same with buses or ferries or any mode of transportation. I am irrationally afraid of being left behind. (This phobia is in the same category as being afraid of being locked in the bathroom. Both situations have happened to me numerous times...sometimes with one causing the other.) So even though we could see the ferry from the restaurant and knew that it wouldn't leave for a half hour I was still nervous because we weren't actually on it yet.
But we didn't miss the ferry and not one of my numerous forays to the bathroom resulted in being trapped. It was at this point that I realized how ridiculously bad I smelled, which A had said was her travel quirk. Besides also needing to know where she would be eating next, she detested smelly people. L declined to let us in on her weakness but I suspect it's control. We quickly deduced that she is a youngest child and must always get her way. Luckily A and I are middle children and are capable of compromise or alternatively joining forces to get our way. The ferry was actually quite nice, although slow like molasses, and we arrived at Paquera to be shepherded into a waiting bus. The ticket taker was the least pura-vida Tico we met the entire trip and he was in such a hurry that we finally just threw some money at him and got on the bus. We had to stand.
Even standing wasn't too too horrific. At least we were in the front where there was a breeze. And hanging on for dear life builds arm muscles. So at approximately 7PM we arrived at Montezuma our final beach-front destination. Hooray! I walked up to the hotel and the man at the desk opened with (in Spanish) "You're the three girls who reserved yesterday. Please don't yell at me."
He had given away our room! Despite his request, I started to yell (just a bit). "What do you mean you gave away our room? I reserved with a credit card! Why didn't anyone verify it on the phone! Are there any more rooms? Are any other hotels free? Are you fucking with me?" At this point, my brain busted and my Spanish completely failed me so L took up the charge, "Can we call your manager? Will you pay for the taxi to another hotel? You have the responsibility to make the customer satisfied! You can't just give away rooms!" This man was exasperatingly smug and just sat there as we fumed.
We calmed down a bit while talking to a shirtless American tourist named Michael (Michael was a good distraction but A said he wasn't suitable because he didn't have six-pack abs just a four pack and I said he wasn't suitable because he was an idiot.) and the receptionist eventually found another hotel for us (far far outside of town). He was not willing to pay for the taxi or the extra cost for the other hotel and he declined to call the manager saying that she would only yell at him and at some point he made some comment to the effect of "At least you guys speak Spanish" which caused another round of yelling and fuming.
We left our bags and went to dinner where we took photos of our comic distress and decided to construct an alternative narrative of our day...something about a yacht and catching seagulls with our bare hands and enjoying cocktails at sunset. We finally arrived at our new hotel; L remained exasperatingly optimistic and went night-swimming while A criticized everything about it before going to bed. I bridged the gap by criticizing before going to check out the beach.
 |
| The girls set out on a three hour cruise, a three hour cruise |
 |
| They are stranded on an island |
 |
| The girls despair |
 |
| But then with extreme facial expressions they realize their skill at catching their own food! |
 |
| Also somehow they can do cocktails |
Next up: socialism at its frustrating-ist and our own private beach
Bigger breakfast - I'm less hungry later
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Interestingly, this didn't used to be this way. When I used to eat a big breakfast, I was still hungry at my regular times, but it seems something has changed.
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
If money weren't an issue, would I get surgery?
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I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I'm in for it now - working with a personal trainer
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I did an interview today with one of the people in charge of the personal trainers with the organization I work for and for where I go to the gyms. I had no idea there was so much you get when you hire a personal trainer.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
20 Aralık 2012 Perşembe
More Weather?
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I heard rumblings of another storm rolling in for this weekend. Why should I be surprised. Every time I have something planned, the weather turns. I guess I shouldn't complain. We are finally getting some much needed moisture. But, couldn't it wait?!
Here's what NOAA says we'll be getting for this weekend:
Friday Night - A slight chance of rain or freezing rain before midnight, then a chance of freezing rain and sleet. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 28. Chance of precipitation is 30%.
Saturday - A chance of snow. Cloudy, with a high near 32. Chance of precipitation is 40%.
So I guess I'll be blanketing and stalling much of the herd again Friday night. I don't think some of the more "delicate flowers" can handle getting wet and then dealing with colder temps although upper twenties aren't all that cold. I just hate freezing rain and having to go anywhere, let alone haul a horse trailer. I guess we'll wait and see what the weather does before I make any rash decisions on changing plans.
I think this year will be the year of best laid plans gone awry.
But on a brighter note, I have to say, thank god for moms! Yesterday was "Grandma Day" for mom and the little bear. They get to spend the entire day together. Because Mike was home recovering from the flu, Mom volunteered to help me with my chores. I have no idea how many buckets of water she lugged back to the mare pen but I am definitely grateful. She came up with a plan that I think will make my life much easier when dealing with water for that pen. We'll try it out first and then I'll tell you all about it. I don't want to jinx myself in case it doesn't work.
Now that Mike is feeling better, maybe he can push some snow around so that this weekend I can try out our new water hauling method and I won't have to tromp through snow and snow drifts. I guess I could have been brave and tried pushing snow but there's a definite artform and I didn't want to break the truck. It's amazing how many things can break on an old truck when you really need it to work. I figured maybe I better not mess with it (at least for now).
I've been so exhausted these last few days that I've had to shut my brain off when thinking about all those slaughterbound horses. I know worrying doesn't do any good but I still do it. Worrying is in my nature. I'm hoping that after all the hubub of Christmas, we'll bea ble to tackle some of the fundraising ideas and really start promoting the sanctuary so that we no longer have to say those evil words "No, we are full." I never want to have to say those words again.
Here's what NOAA says we'll be getting for this weekend:
Friday Night - A slight chance of rain or freezing rain before midnight, then a chance of freezing rain and sleet. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 28. Chance of precipitation is 30%.
Saturday - A chance of snow. Cloudy, with a high near 32. Chance of precipitation is 40%.
So I guess I'll be blanketing and stalling much of the herd again Friday night. I don't think some of the more "delicate flowers" can handle getting wet and then dealing with colder temps although upper twenties aren't all that cold. I just hate freezing rain and having to go anywhere, let alone haul a horse trailer.
I think this year will be the year of best laid plans gone awry.
But on a brighter note, I have to say, thank god for moms! Yesterday was "Grandma Day" for mom and the little bear. They get to spend the entire day together. Because Mike was home recovering from the flu, Mom volunteered to help me with my chores. I have no idea how many buckets of water she lugged back to the mare pen but I am definitely grateful. She came up with a plan that I think will make my life much easier when dealing with water for that pen. We'll try it out first and then I'll tell you all about it. I don't want to jinx myself in case it doesn't work.
Now that Mike is feeling better, maybe he can push some snow around so that this weekend I can try out our new water hauling method and I won't have to tromp through snow and snow drifts. I guess I could have been brave and tried pushing snow but there's a definite artform and I didn't want to break the truck. It's amazing how many things can break on an old truck when you really need it to work. I figured maybe I better not mess with it (at least for now).
I've been so exhausted these last few days that I've had to shut my brain off when thinking about all those slaughterbound horses. I know worrying doesn't do any good but I still do it. Worrying is in my nature. I'm hoping that after all the hubub of Christmas, we'll bea ble to tackle some of the fundraising ideas and really start promoting the sanctuary so that we no longer have to say those evil words "No, we are full." I never want to have to say those words again.
Joe, Thor, and Flower
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Joe, Thor, and Flower on the days we brought them home to Borderlands to live out their remaining time (Joe and Thor in June 2010 and Flower July 2011). Poor Flower had a bad right ankle and she was still used as a riding horse even though she was lame and limped when she did anything more than a slow walk. I don't care if people tell me that they are old (mid twenties aren't old to me). We brought Joe and Flower back to proper weight in only a few months. Miss them dearly and wish they would have been treated with more kindness in their younger years. All had hearts of gold.
Strenght of Character
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I read a post today that had the following saying:
Strenght of character isn't always about how much you can handle before you break; it's also about how much you can handle after you've broken.
It's a fitting saying for me today. I feel broken. I have some family matters to attend to so won't be posting for a couple of days. Please keep our Borderlands family in your prayers.
Strenght of character isn't always about how much you can handle before you break; it's also about how much you can handle after you've broken.
It's a fitting saying for me today. I feel broken. I have some family matters to attend to so won't be posting for a couple of days. Please keep our Borderlands family in your prayers.
Rain in December
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What a weekend. Who would have thought we would get rain in the middle of December? I don’t know how much rain we got but it was enough to make everything a muddy mess by Saturday night. The weatherman wasn’t sure where the cutoff was going to be for rain, freezing rain, and snow. Luckily we had rain and then snow and barely any freezing rain. We are supposed to have decent weather until Thursday when it’s supposed to snow again. But we had flurries this morning. It was rather pretty even though I was out in the dark and cold this morning. I can say with 100% assurance that I am ready for spring to get here already. Sad when the shortest day of the year isn’t even here yet. Hard to believe that Christmas is just around the corner. I’ve been frantically trying to get everything done but I’m exhausted. I put Brego on my “watch” list. He’s turning in to a hard keeper. Even with a bale in front of him 24x7 he seems to not be flourishing like the others. Frustrating. Guess I’ll be bringing him into the barn as well to grain. He usually turns into a hard keeper around March but I think with this quality of hay, he’s having a tougher time adjusting. It’s probably a good thing we aren’t in a really cold snap as of yet. But Brego is on the watch list, along with Babe, Bo, Rain, Zeke, and Jim. I finally have pictures from this summer. Once I dig them out of the thousands of pictures, I’ll try to post some. As always, I’m late but at least the thought is there.
Snow!
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Yesterday was a bit of a surprise when I walked out the door to do morning chores. I wasn’t expecting to see snow, and so much of it at that! The weatherman hadn’t predicted that we would be in a small band of a snowstorm. The snow was coming down at a pretty good pace. By the time I was finished with chores (which only take a few minutes because the herd is on round bales), my tracks were already covered with a light layer of new snow. I’ve been doing a better job of keeping up with the water in the mare/pony pen. Mike left work early yesterday so that he could push snow. I think the weatherman said we got about five inches of snow. I believe it too. It was nice to not have to wade through a bunch of snow but underneath was slick. I slipped a half dozen times before I ended up flat on my backside by the mare/pony pen. Luckily no one was around to hear my curse words. I hate falling on the ice/snow. I have decided that once we are done with this round bale for the mares/ponies, I’ll switch to the big squares. Now that I’m fighting a good half foot of snow to get to the hay, it’s just not worth it. That’ll make the rounds go a little bit farther and I can sure handle that. I’m getting spoiled not having to throw hay all the time. I do miss getting to hang out with the herd, but it is safer this way. I don’t have hungry horses trying to run me over. If my calculations are right, the round bales should last until mid-January. Then it’ll be back to the big squares. But by then, they’ll need the better quality hay. I’m excited for the snow. Maybe now we won’t be in such a severe drought next year. I’m still worried but I think I’m required to worry about something. I’d prefer not having to deal with snow and ice but if it means that we won’t be in a drought any more, or at least not such a severe drought, I say bring on the snow.I can’t believe that Christmas is right around the corner. I’m so unprepared this year. I guess what gets done, gets done and that’ll be that. I should be happy that at least some things are getting done. I’m planning on taking a few days off around Christmas but I doubt we’ll be able to get any major projects started let alone finished. I think with all that’s going on, we’ll probably just hang out with family and enjoy some family quality time. I’m fighting a head cold thanks to the Bear. Hopefully it’ll be gone before Christmas but we’ll see. I’m not sure how much more I’ll post until after Christmas. I’m trying to get caught up on a few things before I take time off of the paying job. I am definitely looking forward to some much needed family and Bear time. This year I’ve tried to focus more on family but I’m hoping to spend the next year focused more on fundraising and bringing awareness to the plight of the horses. Sorry, I’m sure this post isn’t making much sense. I think this cold is having an effect on my thinking process. I’ll try to post a few more times before Christmas but if I don’t, have a safe and Merry Christmas!
16 Aralık 2012 Pazar
If money weren't an issue, would I get surgery?
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I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I'm in for it now - working with a personal trainer
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I did an interview today with one of the people in charge of the personal trainers with the organization I work for and for where I go to the gyms. I had no idea there was so much you get when you hire a personal trainer.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
As Promised, Back at it and a shoulder update
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Glad to say it was only the blog I wasn't really "doing" and a bit too free with the food the past couple weeks, but not buck crazy either. Scale still says 182.
So, other things to update. Well, my bum shoulder. I hurt it way back in April. Finally started doing PT for it in October. In November, they told me they suspected a Labrum tear and to go to an orthopedist for an MRI. They expected it to be small and not anything to "do" for it, but they needed to know what was going on with the shoulder more before they could do more treatment.
So, I went to the orthopedist late November, had an MRI last week and this Tuesday I learned that it's unclear if I have a labrum tear - if I do it's very small and not viewable on the MRI with a dry MRI (meaning they didn't inject a contrast to show more of the shoulder). What it does show is rotator cuff tendonitis which is also impingement and from overuse. He gave me a cortisone shot, ordered more PT and a follow up appt in a month.
My shoulder feels about the same with the cortison shot, but maybe a wee bit better. Basically, nothing terrible going on there, but it's overused and I need to rebalance the muscles and rest the shoulder from certain movements to let it heal.
But, I'm a bit bummed. I had JUST gotten to a new strength level too - I can now do 24 full length pushups in a row. I can lift the most weight I've ever lifted. I had been at standstill for what seems forever and now I'm told to back off - again.
Add to that, with cardio, I'm at the max I can do for keeping my heart rate up without doing higher impact which then I run into my bladder issues. I could just drop weights for awhile while this heals and do cardio- running, fast walking, step aerobics, etc, but then I have bladder leaking issues and pretty annoying ones at that. I'm not ready mentally to have the bladder surgery done as well, I want to GET TO GOAL FIRST! I want to be at a good place with the weight loss and fitness level before I have to stop and not exercise. I need to be there mentally so that I don't feel it as such a terrible set back.
UGH! Can you sense my frustration? Darn body! Neither injury/issue is related to an exercise injury either - one from giving birth to two enormous babies and the other from doing something stupid with a 2 wheeled cart.
I could do the eliptical machine I supposed, but I get some bored of that with just FIVE minutes of warm up at the gym. I detest cardio machines. Maybe more spinning classes (not overly fond of those either and I still have bladder issues when we get out of the seat - sometimes).
Anyway... that's the shoulder update. Now I should call the PT so I can continue with that.
12/13/12
182.2
So, other things to update. Well, my bum shoulder. I hurt it way back in April. Finally started doing PT for it in October. In November, they told me they suspected a Labrum tear and to go to an orthopedist for an MRI. They expected it to be small and not anything to "do" for it, but they needed to know what was going on with the shoulder more before they could do more treatment.
So, I went to the orthopedist late November, had an MRI last week and this Tuesday I learned that it's unclear if I have a labrum tear - if I do it's very small and not viewable on the MRI with a dry MRI (meaning they didn't inject a contrast to show more of the shoulder). What it does show is rotator cuff tendonitis which is also impingement and from overuse. He gave me a cortisone shot, ordered more PT and a follow up appt in a month.
My shoulder feels about the same with the cortison shot, but maybe a wee bit better. Basically, nothing terrible going on there, but it's overused and I need to rebalance the muscles and rest the shoulder from certain movements to let it heal.
But, I'm a bit bummed. I had JUST gotten to a new strength level too - I can now do 24 full length pushups in a row. I can lift the most weight I've ever lifted. I had been at standstill for what seems forever and now I'm told to back off - again.
Add to that, with cardio, I'm at the max I can do for keeping my heart rate up without doing higher impact which then I run into my bladder issues. I could just drop weights for awhile while this heals and do cardio- running, fast walking, step aerobics, etc, but then I have bladder leaking issues and pretty annoying ones at that. I'm not ready mentally to have the bladder surgery done as well, I want to GET TO GOAL FIRST! I want to be at a good place with the weight loss and fitness level before I have to stop and not exercise. I need to be there mentally so that I don't feel it as such a terrible set back.
UGH! Can you sense my frustration? Darn body! Neither injury/issue is related to an exercise injury either - one from giving birth to two enormous babies and the other from doing something stupid with a 2 wheeled cart.
I could do the eliptical machine I supposed, but I get some bored of that with just FIVE minutes of warm up at the gym. I detest cardio machines. Maybe more spinning classes (not overly fond of those either and I still have bladder issues when we get out of the seat - sometimes).
Anyway... that's the shoulder update. Now I should call the PT so I can continue with that.
12/13/12
182.2
Plan for this holiday versus last holiday season
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Last year I took a planned break from exercise and eating regime. I had been 100% on task for 11 months and I decided a break was what I needed.
I thought it would do me good - and in a way it did. I just got discouraged afterward at how long it took me to lose the weight I had put on. I also got frustrated at how much I had to back pedal at the gym, especially with weights.
This last year, the entire freaking year, has been - gain, lose, gain. lose and recently gain and now losing. Started the year around 184, got down to 175 back up a bit, dow to 165, up to 175, then up to 185, then down to 174 and now back up to 183 and working my way down (currently 182).
Some of the ups and downs were injury related, Some were just getting lax. Some was vacation stuff. But this year, even though I didn't intend it to be, was very much a "how will this go the rest of my life". Up and down and up and down.
I tend to have big swings on the scale. My body reacts quite strongly to eating carbs. So it can climb up 10 pounds in a week with most of it being water weight. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off as quickly (usually). I know it's not all fat as I can see the swelling in my feet and I keep a tally on the calories in, but big, wild swings will probably be the name of the game for the rest of my life.
As I've had a year to see where my body likes to settle and where my eating habits are concerned and exercise habits go, I'm thinking for realistic measures, between 160-170 will be my maintenance range. Hoping to keep it around 165. That's a good, realistic weight for me. Should be a maintainable weight too. We'll see how it goes, but I am more wanting to work on body fat percentage. I want to real shoot for 25% which I think, with exercise and working out I should be there at/around 165.
To do that though, I absolutely do not want to take a break in December. So far so good with holiday parties, etc. We have already had one party - and I didn't go crazy. I didn't take a break day for my birthday (had yummy swordfish with a pomegranate green peppercorn reduction with a pomegranate salsa with a side of steamed broccoli). This weekend we have another party, and I will not go crazy and I do not plan to do a lot of baking this year. I am doing one big bake off today and probably one next week - that's it.
I want to start the year not up on the scale, but DOWN so that I can start the year not having to go even further than I need to go from here. Right now, I have 17 pounds to get to 165. I don't want to make that 20 or 25 pounds!
So, no holiday breaks this year. This year was the year of breaks and enough of that!
Tomorrow, I'll detail my plan a bit.
Scale 182.4
I thought it would do me good - and in a way it did. I just got discouraged afterward at how long it took me to lose the weight I had put on. I also got frustrated at how much I had to back pedal at the gym, especially with weights.
This last year, the entire freaking year, has been - gain, lose, gain. lose and recently gain and now losing. Started the year around 184, got down to 175 back up a bit, dow to 165, up to 175, then up to 185, then down to 174 and now back up to 183 and working my way down (currently 182).
Some of the ups and downs were injury related, Some were just getting lax. Some was vacation stuff. But this year, even though I didn't intend it to be, was very much a "how will this go the rest of my life". Up and down and up and down.
I tend to have big swings on the scale. My body reacts quite strongly to eating carbs. So it can climb up 10 pounds in a week with most of it being water weight. Unfortunately, it doesn't come off as quickly (usually). I know it's not all fat as I can see the swelling in my feet and I keep a tally on the calories in, but big, wild swings will probably be the name of the game for the rest of my life.
As I've had a year to see where my body likes to settle and where my eating habits are concerned and exercise habits go, I'm thinking for realistic measures, between 160-170 will be my maintenance range. Hoping to keep it around 165. That's a good, realistic weight for me. Should be a maintainable weight too. We'll see how it goes, but I am more wanting to work on body fat percentage. I want to real shoot for 25% which I think, with exercise and working out I should be there at/around 165.
To do that though, I absolutely do not want to take a break in December. So far so good with holiday parties, etc. We have already had one party - and I didn't go crazy. I didn't take a break day for my birthday (had yummy swordfish with a pomegranate green peppercorn reduction with a pomegranate salsa with a side of steamed broccoli). This weekend we have another party, and I will not go crazy and I do not plan to do a lot of baking this year. I am doing one big bake off today and probably one next week - that's it.
I want to start the year not up on the scale, but DOWN so that I can start the year not having to go even further than I need to go from here. Right now, I have 17 pounds to get to 165. I don't want to make that 20 or 25 pounds!
So, no holiday breaks this year. This year was the year of breaks and enough of that!
Tomorrow, I'll detail my plan a bit.
Scale 182.4
A weekend of such mixed emotions
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The weekend started with such a horrible feeling in my heart. Learning of yet another mass shooting and this time with little ones as the victimes, less than two weeks before Christmas. It just made me realize all the more how lucky I am - now and always.
While that was with me all the rest of the weekend (and will be for a long time - and I will be more and more proactive about things) I also had a very wonderful weekend.
I spent 7 hours on Friday baking and decorating cookies. I could have seen it as one huge duty I needed to do, but I didn't. I made between 450-500 cookies. I had already planned my talk for Sunday School, practiced it and polished it as well as it could be. I could see the house would be cleanable in a whirlwind vacuum and dusting on Saturday, so I set to baking.
My mother in law (just home from a cruise and a bit under the weather) said "I am beginning to hate Christmas". How sad really. To her it just seems like one big duty. Oh, if she would only stop thinking of all the "duties" and just enjoy - take in how excited her grandson gets. Notice how people light up with a cheerful smile. Make something yummy and watch people enjoy. Sure, some of the prep can be difficult or labor intensive, but just hold onto how wonderful the payoffs are. That's what I do!
Friday night I organized all the baked goods for Sunday School, sunday platform, the Cookie exchange party, my husband's holiday party, my son's school teachers and the left overs for the family. I cleaned the kitchen and then soaked in the tub and readied for Saturday.
I spent most of Saturday cleaning. I picked up the family room, moved the clutter out of the basement, tidied my son's room, got my husband to dust, my older son to run the vacuum, and I made the salad and then got everything arranged/set for the party. We had a wonderful, wonderful party. There were 40 people, 14 of them kids. Oh my goodness, their wonder and joy is so catching. I had my son set up a couple of trains - kid heaven. The basement was a rec room fun fest. They were having so much fun doing everything else, they didn't even want to stop and make the gingerbread trees! Only the arrival of Santa got them interested in leaving the fun stuff and then they were ready to make the gingerbread trees after Santa's visit.
After the party I was smiling ear to ear. I was tired, but happy. To wrap up the day, my husband and I cuddled on the couch with a spiked eggnog with rum (and oh boy, a good eggnog is sooooo much better than the cheap stuff!)
I got a full night of sleep, showered and loaded up the car for today's Sunday. I was giving the talk today which is already a bit stressful, but today was the first ever chorus rehearsal too and I had a stand-in for my usual role. Then, I had a gay/lesbian panel for the sex. ed class I usually teach, and I had a stand in teacher for that class too. And it all went so well - the talk, the chorus rehearsal, the guest panel. Yay!!!!
We came home, ate a quick lunch and then I went to my first ever cookie swap. It was fun to see what people brought to exchange and I even got to finally meet a local person who I have gotten to know a bit through Facebook and that was nice.
I came home to a family happy to see me, easy leftovers to heat up for dinner and now I'm sitting here with the family in the family room. We're listening to the Muppets, A Green and Red Christmas while I write this blog and my husband reads stuff on the computer and the little guy is drawing pictures.
Now if I can just hold onto this feeling. I keep going back to those children, those innocents slain by a crazy man, but then I have to let it go. I will be proactive. I will speak up, but I also need to enjoy my life and move on. I also realize, only not fully enough, innocents die around the world every day and some of it due to our own actions.
But I also need to grab these wonderful, peaceful moments and savor them.
While that was with me all the rest of the weekend (and will be for a long time - and I will be more and more proactive about things) I also had a very wonderful weekend.
I spent 7 hours on Friday baking and decorating cookies. I could have seen it as one huge duty I needed to do, but I didn't. I made between 450-500 cookies. I had already planned my talk for Sunday School, practiced it and polished it as well as it could be. I could see the house would be cleanable in a whirlwind vacuum and dusting on Saturday, so I set to baking.
My mother in law (just home from a cruise and a bit under the weather) said "I am beginning to hate Christmas". How sad really. To her it just seems like one big duty. Oh, if she would only stop thinking of all the "duties" and just enjoy - take in how excited her grandson gets. Notice how people light up with a cheerful smile. Make something yummy and watch people enjoy. Sure, some of the prep can be difficult or labor intensive, but just hold onto how wonderful the payoffs are. That's what I do!
Friday night I organized all the baked goods for Sunday School, sunday platform, the Cookie exchange party, my husband's holiday party, my son's school teachers and the left overs for the family. I cleaned the kitchen and then soaked in the tub and readied for Saturday.
I spent most of Saturday cleaning. I picked up the family room, moved the clutter out of the basement, tidied my son's room, got my husband to dust, my older son to run the vacuum, and I made the salad and then got everything arranged/set for the party. We had a wonderful, wonderful party. There were 40 people, 14 of them kids. Oh my goodness, their wonder and joy is so catching. I had my son set up a couple of trains - kid heaven. The basement was a rec room fun fest. They were having so much fun doing everything else, they didn't even want to stop and make the gingerbread trees! Only the arrival of Santa got them interested in leaving the fun stuff and then they were ready to make the gingerbread trees after Santa's visit.
After the party I was smiling ear to ear. I was tired, but happy. To wrap up the day, my husband and I cuddled on the couch with a spiked eggnog with rum (and oh boy, a good eggnog is sooooo much better than the cheap stuff!)
I got a full night of sleep, showered and loaded up the car for today's Sunday. I was giving the talk today which is already a bit stressful, but today was the first ever chorus rehearsal too and I had a stand-in for my usual role. Then, I had a gay/lesbian panel for the sex. ed class I usually teach, and I had a stand in teacher for that class too. And it all went so well - the talk, the chorus rehearsal, the guest panel. Yay!!!!
We came home, ate a quick lunch and then I went to my first ever cookie swap. It was fun to see what people brought to exchange and I even got to finally meet a local person who I have gotten to know a bit through Facebook and that was nice.
I came home to a family happy to see me, easy leftovers to heat up for dinner and now I'm sitting here with the family in the family room. We're listening to the Muppets, A Green and Red Christmas while I write this blog and my husband reads stuff on the computer and the little guy is drawing pictures.
Now if I can just hold onto this feeling. I keep going back to those children, those innocents slain by a crazy man, but then I have to let it go. I will be proactive. I will speak up, but I also need to enjoy my life and move on. I also realize, only not fully enough, innocents die around the world every day and some of it due to our own actions.
But I also need to grab these wonderful, peaceful moments and savor them.
12 Aralık 2012 Çarşamba
Bigger breakfast - I'm less hungry later
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Interestingly, this didn't used to be this way. When I used to eat a big breakfast, I was still hungry at my regular times, but it seems something has changed.
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
The last three mornings, I ate my usual protein bar, but also a part of a peanut butter sandwich (leftovers from my son as the bread I made last was HUGE). Don't believe me, take a look:
That is some seriously TALLLLLL bread. I tend to make whole wheat breads the most and they don't rise as nicely, so I think my technique of mixing dough has gotten too good as now my white breads are enormous!
Anyway, I ate a bit of his PBJ and the result was that I was less hungry. Like a lot less hungry. I ate about 150 calories extra in the morning and that saved me from eating about 300-400 calories before lunch. So, both yesterday and today, I was finally able to eat a bit under 1500 calories for the day and it wasn't a struggle.
That was Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Let's see how it goes with the week. Tomorrow will be easier as I have a blood draw and since the form didn't say if I should fast or not, I'll fast just to be sure. I won't be able to eat anything until about 10 am (or so).
And you know I'm looking forward to a blood draw, right?
If money weren't an issue, would I get surgery?
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I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I was just asking myself this question after reading another thread. I know I will never have skin removal surgery because it's a moot point. It's not covered by health insurance for most people and I'm sure I would never be able to convince a doctor of it's necessity either as it doesn't hinder me or cause me problems in any way.
But I never asked myself, "well, what if money wasn't an issue?" Would I get the surgery?" And you know... I don't know. I have loose skin on my abdomen that could be taken care of by surgery and I have terrible bat wings. My inner thighs are wiggly too - not sure anything can be done about that one.
I ask myself, "Would I be willing to put up with the pain and healing for vanity?" As, for me, it would be about vanity. And, could I risk serious health side effects and even death for vanity? Again, I don't know... I'm thinking that even if everything was covered by insurance and that I didn't even have to pay a copay or deductible, I wouldn't do it.
And I think that's because I'm 42. I would probably feel differently if I were 25 or something. I'm married, plan to stay married. I'm scarred by pregnancies and my husband loves me and is happy with my body now. So... why would I risk so much? I might be willing to risk more if I had more years of feeling young and beautiful ahead of me.
Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think you need to roll over and die when you hit 50. I want to be a rocking 50! 60! and on up. I want people to say, "look at that grandma go!" But I guess I can forgive my body for having more imperfections at this age than I would have been able to do when I was much younger.
On the other hand... once in awhile I get a tickle in my brain about, "Wouldn't it be great to rock my clothes without loose skin? Wouldn't it be great to erase (or mostly erase) from my body the evidence of my fat past? But then... why did I let myself get fat in the first place? I wish I could figure that one out the most!
I'm in for it now - working with a personal trainer
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I did an interview today with one of the people in charge of the personal trainers with the organization I work for and for where I go to the gyms. I had no idea there was so much you get when you hire a personal trainer.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
So, I learned a lot about what I'll be getting very soon with the Rock Your Jeans Challenge. For the Rock Your Jeans challenge, I'll be meeting with a personal trainer once a week for 8 weeks. In the first meeting, they spend an hour doing all sorts of tests - and I mean a lot of tests. Then, in the next week, they go over everything and use that information as a baseline as well as information on things that need work (along with your wishes) to come up with a program.
I just had absolutely no idea that they took measurements, used a fancy scale (no idea how accurate it is), did a stress test, a flexibility test, a physical fitness test (to exhaustion test) as well as a test on body alignment, and more. I'm sure I'm going to find out all sorts of things I had no idea about. I hope some of it is good news and not all bad!
When you are finished, they will retest many things to see your progress. This is, of course, what makes it worth it. Even if you don't see a loss on the scale, you should see gains everywhere else - flexibility, strength, agility, well, ok, losses of inches on the measuring tape!
I'm sure for most everyone this is super embarrassing, but hey... I can't see how I got better if I don't go through it.
And, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do this until recently, which is a shame really as I think it would have been really useful to have this service - helping me along the way so that I had more support with my weight loss journey and my fitness improvement.
I had a few people tell me it would be useful, but there were several reasons for not doing it. 1. and mostly, was that I was embarrassed with my weight and my lack of fitness. Who did that hurt? No one but me, of course.
2. Money. with me not working, it was too difficult of me to ask my husband if it was OK to spend the money on a personal trainer. Don't get me wrong, he probably would have agreed to it if I felt it would have been useful, but I would have felt guilty about it. I would have wondered, always, if I was wasting money or not during a time we were pinching pennies more than now- like "Maybe I could have done just as well on my own without spending all this money."
And I guess 3. is Fear of disappointing someone else. I didn't know what I was capable of. I was afraid of failure. And, since I am a people pleaser, I was afraid of letting down a trainer. I want to be able to live up to what they expect of me. I didn't want to find it was too hard and that I gave up. Maybe not on all of it, but it would be hard for me to go to a gym later if I felt I didn't give my all to PT sessions. My problem, yes, but that's the way I am.
Now, with some time at this and some more personal growth. (Yes... even at 42 you can still grow! ) I'm ready for it. I'm ready for getting somewhere it would be difficult for me to do on my own and I know now that I'm really only disappointing myself and hurting myself if I give up or don't give my all. Personal trainers will care (if they are good), but they also won't be dissappointed in me either if I can't do one more push-up.
Will I decide I want to do more after these 8 weeks (besides continuing with working on my fitness)? Who knows. The gym will have a Biggest Winner contest in January and then following that The Next Great Eight (for the next 8 weeks following the Biggest Winner event). That would give me 24 weeks of personal training at a discount, working with others with similar goals to my own. Might even help me meet some new people too. (I still have a pathetically horrible social circle!)
All I know is that I'm looking forward to working with a personal training and working hard for this last bit of the year and I'm glad I'm overcoming a lot of my hangups.
No excuse, just needed a mental break
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How its been more than 2 months, I have no idea. I didn't plan on taking a break. That wasn't my intention, but things, life, just got too overwhelming. I was trying to juggle the 2 part time jobs that required a lot of writing, 2 intensive speech therapies, 3 times a week for my son, 2 times a week physical therapy for my shoulder, taking care of a home, as well as trying to maintain at least one of my personal blogs and trying to stay on top of my fitness. I just got burned out with writing, I needed to write for work, so I kept that. This, my lifeline to staying on top of things all fitness and eating related, got dropped.
Two weeks ago today my one part time job which was temporary, ended. Just before that, my physical therapy ended (temporarily), and two of the three sessions a week of my sons speech therapy ended. I took one week to just veg, I window shopped. I Christmas shopped online. I used some much needed me time.
So far this week, I've gotten back into the groove with getting projects at home done, and got a presentation in order for my remaining job as well as getting things more in order for that job and I celebrated my 43rd birthday. I'm finally ready to jump back into this blog again.
As far as how I've handled fitness and eating, it's been a mixed bag. I've managed to get in 4 workouts a week, 2 of them weight training. I am physically stronger than I have ever been. Eating has been mostly hit or miss with the last two weeks especially, miss. Scale says around 182. Definitely not my plan as I hoped to at least stay at 175 by year's end, but for not tracking and for being unbelievably busy, it's not horrible either. I think a lot of is water weight from too many carbs. My big problem is that I've upped the sweets as I lost sleep with being so busy. As life is calming back down, my desire to do better is getting better too. There is actually hope that I will be 175 by month's end if I am holding a lot of water weight as I suspect (and if a cortisone shot doesn't make me hold water).
So, I am 43. I started this blog after just turning 41- thinking about 42 and how my dad died at the age of 42. This last year I've spent trying to make fitness and better eating a lifestyle and it's mostly there of that I'm so proud to say. I've now reached an age my father never did. I don't say that with sadness. My dad wasn't a part of my life when he died. He had walked away from us kids when I was a preteen and he died when I was 22. He died 20 years ago now. I have so much more that he ever had and for that I'm thankful.
So, I am back and I plan to be stay back. One last final push for this year. And I WILL finish this weight loss journey early next year. While this year was a success in maintenance (mostly), I want to finish this weight loss thing!
I'm back, I promise!
12/12/12
Two weeks ago today my one part time job which was temporary, ended. Just before that, my physical therapy ended (temporarily), and two of the three sessions a week of my sons speech therapy ended. I took one week to just veg, I window shopped. I Christmas shopped online. I used some much needed me time.
So far this week, I've gotten back into the groove with getting projects at home done, and got a presentation in order for my remaining job as well as getting things more in order for that job and I celebrated my 43rd birthday. I'm finally ready to jump back into this blog again.
As far as how I've handled fitness and eating, it's been a mixed bag. I've managed to get in 4 workouts a week, 2 of them weight training. I am physically stronger than I have ever been. Eating has been mostly hit or miss with the last two weeks especially, miss. Scale says around 182. Definitely not my plan as I hoped to at least stay at 175 by year's end, but for not tracking and for being unbelievably busy, it's not horrible either. I think a lot of is water weight from too many carbs. My big problem is that I've upped the sweets as I lost sleep with being so busy. As life is calming back down, my desire to do better is getting better too. There is actually hope that I will be 175 by month's end if I am holding a lot of water weight as I suspect (and if a cortisone shot doesn't make me hold water).
So, I am 43. I started this blog after just turning 41- thinking about 42 and how my dad died at the age of 42. This last year I've spent trying to make fitness and better eating a lifestyle and it's mostly there of that I'm so proud to say. I've now reached an age my father never did. I don't say that with sadness. My dad wasn't a part of my life when he died. He had walked away from us kids when I was a preteen and he died when I was 22. He died 20 years ago now. I have so much more that he ever had and for that I'm thankful.
So, I am back and I plan to be stay back. One last final push for this year. And I WILL finish this weight loss journey early next year. While this year was a success in maintenance (mostly), I want to finish this weight loss thing!
I'm back, I promise!
12/12/12
another cyst,,,
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i dont know if i blogged this but i have ANOTHER cyst on my eye and its ever bigger than before. i had a previous eye appointment who said the cyst may be attacched to the stitch from the brow suspension ihad. well that was wrong coz it came back!!!
i had another appointment yesterday and im still everwondering if im gonna get rid of it coz its so ugly and right on the eyelid for all to see.
hopefully the antibiotics strink it! it seems to be pushing my eyelid down more which will tell u how big it is...
i wont dare post a pic coz its ugly enough :s urgh im just hoping it wont come to more surgery but know my history it probably will sigh but im even more worried about this cyst because its got some nerves in it so im worried it will hurt more! im hoping it wont come to that thought but i dont see my docs til next year so i have to go through xmas with it belgh
i had another appointment yesterday and im still everwondering if im gonna get rid of it coz its so ugly and right on the eyelid for all to see.
hopefully the antibiotics strink it! it seems to be pushing my eyelid down more which will tell u how big it is...
i wont dare post a pic coz its ugly enough :s urgh im just hoping it wont come to more surgery but know my history it probably will sigh but im even more worried about this cyst because its got some nerves in it so im worried it will hurt more! im hoping it wont come to that thought but i dont see my docs til next year so i have to go through xmas with it belgh
11 Aralık 2012 Salı
I don't want to be a shit-disturber, but really.....
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So......I have been struggling with something. I work for the Government of Canada. We have a policy that says that we are not to book meetings or do business with places that are inaccessible. Yet the department I work in consistently books some meetings (mostly for social reasons such as retirement or going away parties) at a nearby venue...an air force mess hall...that is completely inaccessible. Stairs to get in, and more stairs once you get in. I can't tell you the number of times over the years in which I have declined invitations to one event or another at this location, and explained why I cannot attend. Recently, I learned that a colleague had booked a work-related meeting at this venue. I thought, "I have to do, or say, something". I know that these incidents are never intentional. And the people booking the meetings probably never stop to think about what they are doing, and the attitudes they are reinforcing. They probably think, if they stop to think, well no-one coming to the meeting is disabled, so it's not really an issue. And I wonder how they would react if the same venue had a sign outside that said, "blacks not welcome", or "women not allowed", or "no Jews". Because a venue that is not accessible is saying that people like me are not welcome, that we are not valued, that we are not part of the community.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
So I am going to raise this issue at our next management meeting. And I hope that my colleagues will agree that if someone discriminates against one of us, they discriminate against all of us. And maybe, if this venue loses a regular clientele, they will do something about their lack of access.
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